Scars

Dear Readers,

The past can be something a lot of people tend to forget or try to ignore. It can also be something that one cannot escape. The fact of the matter remains that the past is a very important measure of time. After all, mistakes you have made, friendships that come and go, and places you have gone, create memories, teach lessons and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Recent events have caused me to think about…well…past events.

You would think that current affairs would have brought on such thoughts, however, that would not be true. I really started thinking about the past about 2 years ago when I had another scare health wise.

As a technical analyst, I sit in front of a computer all day and used to then go home and either sit in front of the TV or my own computer until bed. Needless to say, I was a 6’4” 26 years old and 260lbs, seriously unhealthy and unfit.
One day I moved from the couch to my bed and my heart rate was at about 130bpm. HORRIBLE! From that point forward I vowed to become healthy and as active as can be. I have since lost almost 40 pounds, put on some more muscle and am active outside quite often…at least during the spring, summer, fall months…I dislike winter…and yes I put a little weight back on over the winter but nothing compared to what I had become before all this.

Anyway, it was then that I started thinking about the past and how my life had progressed thus far. I mean, I was only 26 and already that unhealthy?? I realized that I missed being fit, active and among friends regularly.

Ah friends, a wondrous creation. I did not have many of those while growing up. Back in high school, I was bullied a lot and I detested the thought of getting on to that bus every day for another day of torment. But as most adults realize at some point or another, life back then was so much simpler then now. No responsibilities, no bills, no commitments etc. (I should add that by the time the second semester of grade 12 hit, my classmates almost simultaneously matured at the same time and school was not so bad.)

Now, I like to think that I am a nice guy in life. After all, I have been in customer service since my first job at a library and I truly live to be someone’s hero for a day when I end up fixing their “oh no it’s the end of the world” computer error. I started thinking about this one day and something dawned on me. When kids are bullied, they can either hide their feelings and bury them deep down until one day it explodes it a violent act, or, they ignore it and let it go. I was fortunate to be part of the latter group.

Though I was bullied, I let most of it go, ignored it and something almost magical came of it. I became a sympathetic almost empathetic person. Mostly because I refuse to treat anyone like I was ever treated. So in a way, my way of life is, in part, thanks to my experience with bullies. I think about those days often. I wonder what my former classmates have made of their lives. Sure some of them have connected via Facebook but that is a limited window into someone’s life.
If for some reason, any of my former classmates ever read this, I would say to them “Thank you. You guys actually made my life turn out great and I actually do miss each and everyone one of you.”

It’s funny how something so negative can turn into something positive without you even noticing. It happens over time before your very eyes. Sure the past can leave scars which can heal over time, but the scars themselves remain forever. You can either choose to hide from them or you can learn from them.

Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real, and that it defines us.